All for you, PZ!

Apparently, August 2008 is Officially “Pray for PZ Myers Month.” This could easily top every study ever done on the effectiveness of prayer. Not only will there surely be a great number of Christians praying like crazy – with sincerity no less – for the good Doctor’s soul, but there will be a testable, measurable result. If only we could harness all the self-righteous Christians who love this sinner enough to believe he could be the next disciple to be queued up for sainthood. Then we could really determine… just how many prayers does it take to get to the center of a godless liberal’s soul?

Oh, but wait… seriously, it gets better. Not only will they be praying faithfully out of love and conviction, but they (well, some… I can’t imagine they’ll all buy into this one) will attempt to incur God’s pity in order to move him to actually do something about PZ:

So beginning next Friday, August 1, let us all join in prayer for the conversion of PZ Myers every day, until Sunday, August 31. Let us pray Rosaries for his conversion, offer up the Mass for his conversion, engage in abstinence and fasting for his conversion, and spend time in Adoration for his conversion.

It all sounds pretty par for the course, right? Only one more week before you can officially start praying! On your mark, get set… you, in the back, do you have a question?

Oh, yeah, but hey… about that abstinence thing. How does that work again? So, okay, let me get this straight… If I can go 31 days without getting laid, even by my spouse – with whom I regularly have God-sanctioned lovin’, by the way – then this man that I’ve never met, and have no reason to care about except that he’s a real plight on society, will come to Christ and stop offending my sensibilities on a regular basis? Wait, what? I can’t have food, either? Aw, hell… er, heck, PZ: When you convert, you better come over and bless my house, kids, dog and bed (especially my bed – it’s gonna need it after 8/31) to thank me for this sacrifice which will save your eternal soul. I’m such a swell Christian.